I Excel at PowerPoint . . . or . . . Computer Puns and Jokes
Taken
I don’t know who you are or why you stole my copy of Microsoft Office …. but I will find you. You have my .. WORD! I hope I have ‘Taken‘ your attention away from whatever you were doing! Just when you thought it was safe to blog again … COMPUTER PUNS AND JOKES!
CALL Facility Klingon
I always try to sneak in jokes, puns or riddles into many of my CALL Facility orientations and handouts too! I once included ‘Klingon‘ in a handout of languages that The CALL Facility had resources for! And it is still at ZOHO!
Soothsayer Cat
And then UVic goes and offers a course in Alien Languages (Klingon & Sindarin!)! That makes me a soothsayer! I wonder if that means a pay raise or not! My guess …. NOT!
The best part of puns are when they are impromptu and happen instantly! All too often, my eyes widen or roll about and that is an early warning system for colleagues … PUN ALERT! PUN ALERT! People know me all too well! I would be horrible at poker! LOL!
I found one site where a computer was programmed to CALCULATE the funniest puns and it came up with the following….. and …. yeah, NO! Even I have lines I do not cross … and they are often … lines of code! LOL!
I often say that if I am having fun, then the students are having fun too! There is so much stress nowadays that humour IS good medicine! I won’t bother telling you my absolutely favourite jokes and puns other than …
… it is always my NEXT ONE!
Some interesting links to tickle your funny bone, or perhaps, seek medical attention afterwards!
Think Different . . . . . . or . . . Apple Commercials Through the Years
Think Different
Think Different. As iconic as the ‘1984’ Mac commercial is, this may be one of the most remembered Apple campaigns … EVER! Well, at least for me. I have this poster in my office at home. I uncovered a bunch of them years ago, doing an annual cleanse of some closets we once used as storage! Serendipitous for me!
There is no question that Apple has one of the best marketing programs … in history! This post is predominantly about their ads in video format, which range from poignant and dramatic, to humorous and sometimes silly! They truly do …. Think Different …. all the time!
The BEST ads are cast with actors who don’t take themselves too seriously and actually parody their on-screen presence … and blend it with their off-screen personality!
The Rock x SIRI
Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson did this perfectly in his ad for Siri a few years ago. I doubt Apple could afford him now!
What Will Your Verse Be?
My absolute favourite commerical of ALL TIME is probably not what you might think. Oh yes, I do like the 1984 commercial (Directed by Ridley Scott – Gladiator, The Martian, Thelma & Louise, Blade Runner, Alien .. yes THAT Ridley Scott!) but my favourite is for the iPad Air with Robin Williams narrating his poetry speech over some amazing world moments. Do you remember which movie this came from? HUDDLE UP!
As a summer project many years ago, I decided to find as many Apple Commercials on YouTube as I could and learn how to create movies and burn a DVD, dedicated to only Apple Commercials!
YouTube was relatively new and it might not have even been bought by Google yet! Still, I learned how to create and edit movies, burn DVDs and improve my knowledge of various video formats, editing techniques and making movies!
iMovie HD 2005
A future post, once we return to UVic, will be about using iMovie HD! What? You have never heard of that version? That doesn’t surprise me!
iMovie HD was one of the very first versions (2005!) and can only
MovieBox DV
run under a macOS that is named after a kitty! But it is surprisingly robust, has simple and intuitive editing controls and works with some old hardware called MovieBox DV (2003!) that can digitize VHS cassettes! Sometimes you can teach an old dog new tricks!
And one more thing … Apple has long been the target of parody ads! There is one for a new iPhone at the very end of the videos below. But the BEST one is called ‘The Power to Crush the Other Kids”. It is nowhere to be found on the internet and YouTube has pulled it due to copyright infringement concerns, by NBC’s ownership of Saturday Night Live. If you can find it, it is truly hilarious!
Some interesting links below with even more background to Apple’s numerous ads throughout the years!
As long as there are words out there, there will be a site that Google finds for each of us!
This will be my list of my favourite computer/AI voices from Movies and TV shows that I have seen and grew up with! They can be human or actually computer generated. So some of them will no doubt be VERY obscure for many of you young folks! LOL! But that does not mean you should disregard them! They might prove to be dated, but they have all influenced how we percieve computers and AI, to this day!
The voice of EVERY computer in every episode and movie of Star Trek is Majel Barrett, who was married to Gene Rodenberry! She even voiced the computer in the Star Trek:The Animated Series too! Outside of Michael Dorn (Worf), Majel Barrett has appeared in more episodes than ANY OTHER ACTOR!
Robocop morphed a critically injured policeman with state of the art technology to enforce police protection. What could go wrong? Well, more than you can imagine, including a horrible remake of this classic movie!
And at the time, TRON was the greatest computer movie OF ALL TIME! The graphics were amazing, the storyline was new and amazing and I remember watching it multiple times!
And then they made a reboot of it TRON:Legacy .. and I liked that one too! It got bad review, but I still liked it! And the graphics were amazing too!
And how could ultimate cuteness and the end of the world combine any better than in WALL-E! Eve and WALL-E have instant chemistry, albeit confrontational at first, but it is still one of my favourite animated series and WELL ahead of its time in terms of environmentalism!
And probably the most iconic computer/AI interface, at least recently is the combined character of Vision in theMCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe). Vision is ‘powered’ by the Mind Stone, one of the Infinity Stones.
And … if you got this far, then you have seen the movies! Vision is a weird blend of the personality of Tony Stark (Iron Man), Ultron (his ‘Frankenstein-like AI), JARVIS (his own AI ‘butler’) and the power of Thor to kick-start him! Yeah, you had to be there … multiple movies and multiple personalities … what could go wrong! Actually, he is a pretty good character and very strong too!
And the rebooted series is fantastic too! The new robot, although not named Robbie, is unique, integral to the storyline and has amazing graphics! And it is filmed in Vancouver too! But only one season left! Sigh …… I remember building a model of this robot too!
Another TV show ahead of its time was Knight Rider! A virtually indestructible AI car (K.I.T.T. – Knight Industries 2000) guided by a secret organization dedicated to fighting injustice! Whoa, wait … NOT ELON MUSK! LOL! It kind of looked like a cross between Elon Musk and a Cylon! And we don’t want to go THERE either!
And having mentioned HAL 9000 above, did you realize that there was a SEQUEL to 2001? 2010: The Year We Make Contact featured SAL 9000 (voiced by Candice Bergen) as the upgrde to HAL that did not quite meet factory specifications! LOL! The most obvious difference (no spoilers here!) is that SAL is a blue orb’!
And coming up to just a couple more examples! There are SO many, that I really did limit myself this time! I had previously written posts about favourite computers in all kinds of media at “Shall We Play a Game . . . or Fictional Computers” but that did not focus on anything but the computers themselves. This post is on their actual voices used! Okay, a small distinction! So that does mentioning a previous post count as … Product Placement or what! LOL!
War Games! Just go find it somewhere and have a great popcorn time! A young hacker breaks into a High Security computer, unknowingly trying out a ‘game’ called Global Thermonuclear War and … well, the use of the modem is hilarious! But the voice of WOPR is amazing! If it makes you think of Stephen Hawking …. no spoilers here! A great, great movie!
And I will never hear the end of it from all my colleagues if I don’t include those two wacky robots from a relatively unknown cult classic … C-3PO and R2-D2. Did you ever wonder WHY they are called … R2-D2 and C-3PO?
Perhaps the quintessential use of voice to convey language! C3PO is designed to be able to talk to ANYONE with his linguistics programming and R2D2 happily whistles, clicks, bings and we can all understand exactly what is going on! The classic straight man out of vaudeville humour and it works so well! Arguably the best parts of Star Wars are those two! Note: Yoda is NOT a computer! LOL!
All the voices mentioned above are in YouTube videos below. I hope I got them all! I might even do a sequel to this in a future post – there were many I have left off and they deserve a listening to as well!
I’ll Take WIN WIN WIN for $200 Alex . . . or . . . CALL JEOPARDY REBOOT!
CALL Jeopardy is one of my favourite parts of working for The Computer Help Desk!What could be better – a captive audience, a fun way of training current, new and returning Consultants and … brekkie and lunch provided!
I realized that the MOST RECENT version of CALL Jeopardy: ReBoot, had not been made available for anyone to try! It is based on the very first CALL Jeopardy, a few years ago, but updated with new information, yet a bit of a retro feel to it!
Unfortunately, it did not really work out the day we tried it online/remote! Somehow, I had an echo, it literally stopped opening up each slide and it fizzled out spectacularly! Oh well, if you are not trying, you aren’t learning!
The original format is PowerPoint but OAC WordPress does not permit PowerPoint files. But the versions here are all in .pdf format, which works equally well, except for some animation and other whiz bang effects that I usually include! Why put a Fireworks option into software without any disclaimers about … design! LOL!
CALL Jeopardy: REBOOT VERSION
The most recent version is clickable on the images beside and below, and your browser should download a .pdf version or present the .pdf in a new browser tab. Either way, you can meander through using the menu or just going through slide by slide. That way, you are assured of seeing each ‘Question’ and ‘Answer’.
I always have a ‘Twist’ to each Category and question. This time, the categories are “OSX …. but not Cats”, “WIN WIN WIN”, and “CALL Stuff”.
In true Jeopardy fashion, each ‘answer’ must be phrased in the form of a question, identifying which movie each quote came from! No, it has nothing to do with ANYTHING at CHD, but the next slide does!
CALL Jeopardy: Famous Movie Quotes
And all of the previous Jeopardy versions are below and all you have to do is click on any image and it will do what your browser does best – either download it or present it in a new Tab to try.
And the first training session below is a history of CALL. It is NOT in ‘Jeopardy’ format, so just ‘slide’ through it if you want to find out a bit more about CALL over the years.
And I am all for accepting any questions you think should be included in any future version of Jeopardy!
And thanks to Tomoyo and Scott for ‘driving’ for me – actually running the computer & PowerPoint file, while the rest of us have fun with CALL Jeopardy in our training sessions!
And now for something completely different … mostly! I do have favourite topics and have officially changed today’s name to TEDnesday in honour of TED Ideas Worth Spreading!
Everyone has heard of TED Talks! The first time I was told about them, my first thought was … who is this Ted person and why should I listen to him!
TED is a nonprofit devoted to spreading ideas, usually in the form of short, powerful talks (18 minutes or less). TED began in 1984 as a conference where Technology, Entertainment and Design converged, and today covers almost all topics ā from science to business to global issues ā in more than 100 languages. Meanwhile, independently run TEDx events help share ideas in communities around the world.
Just a slight sidebar here … I usually discover something amazing (ie. LEARNsomething new!) if you look for an ‘About’ or ‘Who We Are’ or even a dedicated search engine WITHIN a website to uncover hidden jewels of information! And it is usually just one click away, or even visible as a magnifying glass icon!
This might be obvious to almost everyone, but … when that one person that lights up because you showed them a neat new trick at a website …. priceless!
Many of TED Talks are also found at YouTube as well, but there are so many extra benefits at TED.COM that I recommend looking there first. You never know what you might find!
And using an abundance of caution and a balance of fair play and common sense, I did a search for ‘Worst TED Talks of All Time‘ and came up with this:
But I do DISAGREEwith Arthur Benjamin – A Performance of Mathemagic on that list! No way that almost 10,000,000 of us can be wrong! That is my Inner Math Teacher speaking! LOL!
IT Security Quotes . . . . or . . . . What Could Go EvenWrongER!
I work from the Desk of VicU Computers Helpers. Pleeze conform to me your pazzword or your Internet will dissolve.
Yeah, right. IT Security is a huge, HUGE issue and is now part of our digital lives – both personally and professionally. And for good reason.
So, right off the top, the best and most informative sites are HERE AT UVIC! If you haven’t visited, read or been told about these incredible resources, then now is your chance. And since a picture is worth 1000 words …. here are 6000 words!
Click on each image below to go to the UVic site.
Information SecurityUniversity Systems status update PhishingPhishing emails spotted at UVicPhishing Awareness Training CampaignAntivirus Software for StudentsVIDEO: 5 Common Cybersecurity Questions AnsweredPersonal Perspectives from UVic’s Chief Information Security OfficerUVic Team Triumphs at National Cybersecurity Competition
Enroll in any computer security training that UVic has to offer! Refresh your Cyber Spidey Sense Skills all the time! Be aware of Phishing attempts! And be even MORE VIGILANT now that we are working from home – the same skills you are honing for work, are as important for your home digital security too!
“If you spend more on coffee than on IT security, you will be hacked. What’s more, you deserve to be hacked.” – Richard Clarke
“My message for companies that think they haven’t been attacked is: You are not looking hard enough.” -James Snook
“The five most efficient cyber defenders are: Anticipation, Education, Detection, Reaction and Resilience. Do remember: Cybersecurity is much more than an IT topic.” – Stephane Nappo
“It takes 20 years to build a reputation and few minutes of cyber-incident to ruin it.” – Stephan Nappo
“USBs are the devil. They just are.” – Overheard at SecureWorld, Atlanta
“IoT without security = Internet of Threats” – Stephane Nappo
“One Person’s “paranoia” is another person’s engineering redundancy.” – Marcus J. Ranum
“Two things about the NSA stunned me right off the bat: how technologically sophisticated it was compared with the CIA, and how much less vigilant it was about security in its every iteration, from the compartmentalization of information to data encryption.” – Edward Snowden
“If security were all that mattered, computers would never be turned on, let alone hooked into a network with literally millions of potential intruders.” – Dan Farmer
“You have to make sure that your hard drive is external from your computer. If you put yourself in the minds of the thief, they want to make a quick buck. They donāt really care about your hard drive, just your computer. An external hard drive is critical. In my case they left the hard drive behind and I was able to plug it into my new computer. It was the key to everything.” – Michael Stelzner
Oddly, there aren’t too many current IT Security videos at YouTube that I hoped for. So that means, as I mentioned above, check UVic’s own sites for the most current and most pertinent information about computer security! My Go To pages! They are listed below too!
If I had a single favourite quote, it would be this ……
Famous Computer Quotes . . . . or . . . . What Could Go Wrong!
Since the advent of computers and digital technology, there have been some funny, outrageous, prophetic and downright WRONG quotes about computers and technology. Let’s go down that winding path this morning!
I will just intersperse quotes with some images of quotes too! A mishmash of data, graphics and historical perspectives!
“Computers in the future may weigh no more than one-and-a-half tonnes.” – Popular Mechanics, 1949
“I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won’t last the year.” – Chief Business Editor, Prentice Hall, 1957
“I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.” – Thomas Watson, Chairman of IBM, 1943
“There is no reason anyone in the right state of mind will want a computer in their home.” – Ken Olson, President of Digital Equipment Corp, 1977.
“Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop.” – Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary
“Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.” – Brook’s Law
“An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.” – Anonymous
“BUG, n.: An undesirable, poorly-understood undocumented feature.” – The Devil’s Dictionary to Computer Studies
“640k is enough for anyone, and by the way, what’s a network?” – William Gates III, President of Microsoft Corporation, 1984.
“Microcomputers are the tool of the 80’s. BASIC is the language that all of them use. So the sooner you learn BASIC, the sooner you will understand the microcomputer revolution.” – 30 Hour BASIC Standard, 1981.
I want to change the world but they don’t give me root access. – Unknown
And these are just a few of my favourite ones! There are literally hundreds of amazing quotes out there, and I as usual, have put a bunch of links below for you to search, should you need that perfect quote about computers!
The single best quote, ever, and ever so true even now, came from John F. Kennedy …..
So today, a plethora (I like dictionary.com!) of comics, cartoons, YouTube and other appurtenances (I likethesaurus.com too!)
I had started off with a theme of MS:Office and my long history with Excel, Word and PowerPoint. But I quickly found a far more interesting topic for today … Working From Home! I am forever the optimist (I hope!) and try to find the humour in most things (I try!) and quickly changed topics!
And today is a fairly busy day with some creative work in Teams for a Poll (Thanks to Kelly, Gary, Tomoyo and Heather!) and trying to be creative, relevant, funny, factual and learn a few new things every so often! Maybe this old dog CAN learn a few new tricks!
Some funny cartoons, websites and truly miscellaneous items for a quick post today.
Open Book Exams . . . . or . . . . My Favourite Textbooks
This may be the FIRST and ONLY blog post on the internet about … Favourite Textbooks! Textbooks are usually the bane of most students! LOL!
But I really enjoyed getting new textbooks, especially in Grade 12! For the first time, we had to venture to DOWNTOWN CALGARY to actually BUY AND OWN our textbooks! Previously, we were issued them, had to guard them throughout the semester and RETURN THEM at the end! But now, we could OWN THEM!
And what a great textbook for Grade 12 Math – ‘Modern Intermediate Algebra‘! And the trick was, to buy the book that had the ANSWERS IN THE BACK! Only a few of them DID have the answers, and I was lucky enough to get one of those! Quite an adventure for me at the time!
And if you haven’t figured it out by now, I still have these textbooks! Yup, weird, but … I collect books of all kinds! A future post will be on REALLY OLD TEXTBOOKS that I have!
The next 4 textbooks are all from when I attended the University of Calgary from 1975-1982. Yup, some gap years in there to travel, live and work in Banff and explore the world! Might sneak an old photo of me in there somewhere too! LOL!
And how boring – a book on .. evaluating student progress? And even more boring, THAT IS THE TITLE TOO – ‘Evaluating Student Progress’!
And here I thought I would finally find out all the tricks and secrets of passing exams … and for the most part, I did pick up some ideas, especially when my first job out of university was evaluating exams, something called Item Analysis! And it was fun! Basically, how does an exam actually MEASURE student knowledge! Yeah, boring, but at the time, I actually USED this textbook in a real life setting!
And then one of my All Time Favourite themes – STATISTICS titled ‘Elements of Statistics‘! All kinds of neat formulas, algorithms and magical numbers with REAL WORLD RESULTS! And for the first time – a new studying technique! We were allowed to bring in a small 4×6 recipe card with ANYTHING WE WANT WRITTEN ON IT! This was such a great learning tool, that I used it in all my future classes! This forces you to actually STUDY and WRITE DOWN anything you were not as confident with, thus FORCING YOU TO RECOGNIZE AND STUDY YOUR WEAK POINTS! And it worked flawlessly! (At least, for me!)
This has been a bit of a ‘Top 10 Favourite Textbooks‘ countdown, except only a ‘Top 5‘ of them! My bad! And the next 2 textbooks bring back fond memories … and some not so fond …. of courses I took … sometimes twice and three times! How about them apples!
The BEST stat course EVER was on games of chance! And the Instructor LIVED HIS TEXTBOOK – ‘Basic Probability and Applications‘! When introducing himself, he said he might be late for some Monday morning classes as he would be enroute BACK FROM LAS VEGAS as he spent most weekends there …. GAMBLING! That is one amazing course intro! And he had his own TEXTBOOK TOO!
And my FAVOURITE TEXTBOOK OF ALL TIME is entitled ‘Excursions Into Mathematics‘ for the exceedingly misnamed course ‘Elementary Mathematics From and Advanced Viewpoint‘!!!
I took this course
… THREE TIMES … before I passed it! HARDEST.COURSE.EVER!
First time was with a friend and BOTH of us dropped it at Christmas as it was just too freaking hard! Second time was with my entire Education Year colleagues (9 of us!) and the 10th student in the class dropped it too – and he was in Honours Math at the time! Why did HE drop it? It was lowering his GPA!
Finally, passed the course in the summer, and all I did was Math for a solid month, literally every day, and got a B+ on it! YAY! The Instructor apologized to me .. I was literally ONE POINT AWAY FROM AN A- …. but I did not care. I HAD PASSED THE COURSE and could now graduate! WHEW!
Still, the textbook is awesome and even though I may have ONCE understood many classical concepts – it is like Quantum Physics, another favourite topic! I may not understand ANY of it … but it is as close to MAGIC as we will ever get in this crazy world/universe/multi-verse we live in! LOL!
Oh, and whenever there was a so-called ‘Open Book Exam‘ – they were the toughest exams in the history of education. You better KNOW YOUR STUFF, because if you spent the time looking for the answer in your ‘textbook’, you wasted so much time, you never finished the exam!
And as Steve Jobs liked to say … ‘… one more thing….’!
My favourite math book was my ‘Mathematical Handbook‘ that had all kinds of formulas and simplified explanations of my favourite theorems and numbers! Served me well all through High School and University!
And one more …. one more thing! If I didn’t include a dictionary … ANY DICTIONARY in this list, then I would be remiss! I had ve saved many of my old dictionaries, including my pocket French/English dictionary, but I now tend to use dictionary.com and thesaurus.com on an almost daily basis! Big thumbs up to both of those sites!
And not that many funny extra sites out there. I found most of them quite rude and in bad taste and many offensive. The only funny one is above. And just doodles on existing images in each book. Sometimes you win. Sometimes you lose. Sometimes … it rains! (Ask me about THAT quote, which literally comes out of … right field!)
And same with videos. Lots of bad taste ones out there, sand offensive ones, so today, only a compilation of Steve Jobs ‘One More Thing‘ below, to wax nostalgic today!
As long as there are words out there, there will be a site that Google finds!!
How about some computer cartoons and other media today! Maybe some old ones that make us chuckle from where we have come from! And a busy day today too! LOL!
To start, my favourite scene from Captain Marvel! Many of us from The Computer Help Desk went together to see this movie together (Thanks again Marcela!) and this scene was THE funniest for me!
Remember, it takes place in the 1980’s and Captain Marvel is from an incredibly technologically advanced planet! And even today … I often get to use the classic phrase … ‘It’s loading“! LOL!
And what would a Bog Blog Post be without some Homer Simpson memes!
And some Classic Bloom County from WAY BACK WHEN that many of you probably will never have heard of! My first car was a Black Subaru that I named … OPUS!
And Foxtrot always had a befuddled Dad playing around with their newest iFruit computer! The usual assortment of familh members, all with varying degrees of computer expertise from genius to … less than genius!