Losing Opportunity

It’s always a tough pill to swallow when you’re so set on having something, only to have it leave your grasp, locked away and kept out of reach.

This was something I had worked for, something that I was part of, something that I helped build. But sadly, when the wolf howls, the sheep listen.

To sum things up, I lost an amazing opportunity to advance skills that I had learned in a unique working environment. A job that I had grown with, a position that I helped create, an opportunity with people who I considered more than just colleagues.

As all grown ups would do, I requested a meeting with upper management to figure out what happened, why I wasn’t considered and to truly understand why my dream, my ambition and a position I grew with wasn’t offered to myself.

I went over all the bases – was I not a good enough employee? He said I was a standout in my 4 years. Okay… so maybe I wasn’t qualified? Nope, that wasn’t it. So maybe it was because I was still in school… nah, that wasn’t it either. There were a lot of back and forth answers with precise timelines and details. Trying my best to keep it together, to be strong, to try and make sense of  betrayal… I finally gave up at attempts to dig out truth or to find an answer. Maybe it was because I didn’t want to hear what I was hearing or maybe because I knew there was an underlying story that was hiding.

I understand the politics of any job and I try my best to be optimistic, joyful, happy and a team player. But there comes a time when what you hear behind the walls sounds exactly like what’s being told to your face. I was lied to, I was used and I was forgotten.

My 4 years of building, working and dedicating all my time and passion into something was gone. Not a day goes by that I walk those halls and feel not only resentment, but hurt. I want to bust out screaming but I also want to remain loyal to many who helped carve my career.

There are so many feelings that I can’t seem to describe in this post and there’s much I feel I have left out. But that’s just it… the fact I feel empty is the reason this post feels empty. There’s something missing and maybe if I had this job, my family, my friends, the kids I grew with and mentored, the people that I interact with… maybe that would help.

I have learned a lot and I’ve been burned a lot. It’s these life lessons that help shape my character. It’s taken a lot to keep calm, to continue on and to persevere but each day, although I feel hurt, ashamed, embarrassed, I tell myself that out there… somewhere, is my perfect opportunity.