It’s very difficult sometimes

I won’t lie – this semester killed me.

That’s most obviously evidenced by the fact that this is only my second blog post this school year, which I feel really badly about. It’s just one of many things that have slipped through the cracks and been pushed to the side.

My biggest problem this semester (besides having a heavier work load than before, as well as a part-time job) has been bad and unhealthy habits. I’ve procrastinated (boy, have I procrastinated), I’ve been disorganized, I haven’t taken care of myself—well, all that stuff. And at the end of the term, it really shows, both in my marks and in my happiness with myself (or lack thereof).

I wouldn’t even agree with that stuff about hitting rock bottom and then getting better from there. This isn’t the first time in my life that I’ve been stressed and unhappy. You go through life, you have bad times, you try to fix them, and sometimes you fail to fix them. Even when things are better, you’ll always have struggles. That’s life. All you can do is work hard against what’s dragging you down (even when that’s yourself) and try to become more healthy—and I don’t mean eating more salad, I mean developing and practising healthy behaviour, habits, productivity.

If this group blog is a slice of life at UVic, I guess this is to show that it does get really hard. And you yourself are always part of both the problem and the solution. The thing that bothers me the most is that in the midst of all this stress and disorganisation, I wasn’t able to do as good work as I could have, and wasn’t working to my full potential.

So right now, I’m trying to finish off this semester—getting projects done, writing my exam—and then working harder and better on a fresh chapter next semester. And although my mom has told me “oh, you’ve said that before”, the fact that I’ve failed to improve before doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try again.

I’m gonna try again.