Ever struck speechless when it really counts? This happens to me a lot, I’m afraid. I want to speak up, but I can’t articulate a decent response. One of two things happen: I back off in regret, or my response is emotional and probably lacking any intelligent reasoning. Then I stew for days about what I should have said.
The other day I ran into some friends I hadn’t seen in a while. The conversation turned to current events, and the Freedom Convoy protests. Or, more specifically, to the protesters themselves. My friend had read an article about how the protesters were mostly white men, and because of their white privilege had not experienced much to impact their freedoms. My friend went on to say that it was unfair that white men were being “painted with the same brush”. (This is when the alarm bells started a worried chime in my head.) The other friend commented sardonically “I’m still waiting for my white privilege cheque.” And the first friend repeated the comment, shaking his head. (Clang! Clang! Clang!)
I lamely said to these two white guys that I was not going to have this conversation with them today. I shook my head at them, they kinda chuckled, and I ducked out of there. Ugh.
I’ve thought a lot about that comment. I think it reflects the misconception that white privilege means you’ve had everything handed to you – like a blank cheque. That you haven’t had to work hard, and that you haven’t earned or deserve what you’ve got. Or that you haven’t experienced any hardships, that life is always easy for you because you’re white. Who wouldn’t feel defensive if that’s what you thought people were saying about you? But… that’s not what “white privilege” means at all.
From What White Privilege Really Means — and How to Work on It: “As many of us attempt to have difficult conversations with family, friends, and coworkers about race, it can be hard to find ways to talk about uncomfortable realities without triggering defensiveness. For example, when some people hear the words “white privilege,” they latch onto the second half of that phrase and stop listening to the conversation entirely. “Privilege” calls to mind silver spoons, gilded staircases, trust funds — things that don’t describe how many of us grew up or the way we live now. But white privilege doesn’t imply that white people haven’t struggled, just that our challenges aren’t related to the color of our skin.”
I wish I had responded with, “Well, I don’t think anyone is saying white privilege is a blank cheque. It’s just recognizing that our skin colour isn’t the reason for any of our troubles or worries.” I could even have gone on to say that while we may face discrimination on other fronts (heaven knows humans can be mean to each other) race isn’t one of them.
But I didn’t. I froze up. Who said anti-racism work was going to be easy? Answer: No one.
I feel a little more prepared for the next conversation, but I also have a lot more reading to do. I’ll start with the articles linked in the one above, and take it from there. Maybe one day I’ll have the words ready in the moment.
I think there are so many people, myself included, having these difficult conversations (or not having them and wishing we had). I really appreciate this post and I hope it will make me braver in my conversations too!