I recently read that the most common time for couples to break up is right before Christmas. Considering that we just finished our holiday break, some of you may be struggling with a difficult break up right now. I know personally that it can be very difficult and things may appear to be helpless right now but I promise it does get better. After self-reflecting and talking to some friends, I decided to put together a list of tips that can help you get over a breakup:
Do not contact them
If they broke up with you, it most likely means they no longer want to date you. Begging, pleading and trying to convince someone to date or love you will probably push him or her further away. Going with no contact will allow you to have the time and space to heal. Do what you need to do; if that means blocking them on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, do it!
Restore your social connections
Maybe you were too busy with your significant other going to fancy restaurants and movies resulting in you spending less time with your friends and family. This happens to many people so do not worry if you neglected some important people along the way. After your breakup, reach out to these old friends, set up a coffee meet-up, have fun and start reconnecting. Even if they have not heard from you in awhile, I am sure most old friends would be happy to restore the good ole times. This is better than isolating yourself because isolation will lead to your thoughts and emotions consuming you. This can exacerbate your sadness.
Express your emotions
It is ok to cry! Yes, cry! Expressing your emotions and getting them out can be healthy for our internal state. It is better than keeping our emotions suppressed and internalized because this could lead to depression down the road.
Get rid of any reminders
I personally feel that it is best to delete any/all photos of your former significant other, both off Facebook and your computer. Any gifts (Birthday, Valentines, Christmas etc) should be put in a bag and donated to charity or thrown out. If you struggle with permanently removing it, I suggest you pack up all their stuff and hand it over to a friend to store. Out of sight, out of mind! Some of you may disagree with this step because you feel that the time spent with the other person was still a significant period in your life. If you feel this way, at the very least I suggest packing up their stuff and storing it in the attic or something till you fully recover.
Avoid substance abuse
Abusing alcohol and/or other drugs is only distracting you from your pain and sadness. Rather than distract yourself with self-indulgent behaviors, you need to tackle your problem head on to truly get over it rather than avoid it. Other avoidant behaviors include excessive shopping and overworking. Avoid these too if you can. If you feel you have no control over this, see a therapist to help before it becomes a more serious problem.
Avoid the Felicitas rebound
Breakups can be a time of emotional vulnerability. We may be hurt and our egos can be fragile. Sometimes this instability can lead to new unhealthy relationships to cover up the unresolved emotions from the past relationship. Beware of the rebound because if you have not fully healed you could find yourself in an even more vulnerable, confused state.
Find new hobbies
In my opinion, we go to one of the most inclusive and supportive universities in the country. UVic has great clubs and activities to get involved with which can help you heal and overcome your breakup. Check out the UVSS clubs list or UVic volunteering to find something that suits your needs. You will also surround yourself with like-minded and supportive people.
Seek UVic Counselling Services
If your break up is consuming and taking over your life, it might be a good idea to seek a counselor through UVic to help deal with your emotions and sadness. Grieving after a relationship is certainly healthy but it’s important to recognize if it becomes debilitating or unusually long. Counselling services has many resources in place to help with your school courses incase your mental health is severely impacting your studies.
I hope these tips can be beneficial to some of you going through a difficult break up.
Until Next Time,
The views expressed in this blog are my own, and do not necessarily reflect the policies or views of the University of Victoria. I monitor posts and comments to ensure all content complies with the University of Victoria Guidelines on Blogging.