So, I Had A Breakdown
School is hard. It’s difficult and time intensive. It’s rewarding and amazing. But for me, sometimes, it can be overwhelming. With the classes, the labs, the projects and assignments, the deadlines; sometimes it gets bit much. And I’ll be honest, I cracked a bit.
I always want to do my absolute best. I think that goes for all of the students at UVic. We always want to ensure we’re putting our best foot forward and showing the best sides of ourselves to our professors and colleagues. But sometimes it’s not always possible, and it’s always very hard to admit that to ourselves.
Last week was insane. Absolutely insane. I’m student and I have a full-time job and a part-time job. I am the leader of two organizations and a part of about 5 others, and then I do a lot of volunteering on the side. So, let’s be real, a lot of the reason I’m busy is pretty much my fault. And normally, I can handle it. I get it all done, and yes, I don’t sleep as much as a lot of people, but that’s how I choose to work.
This week was the first time in a while that I couldn’t get something done. I had a deadline that I just couldn’t make. I tried; like I REALLY tried. But I just couldn’t focus, and I started not being able to do simple stuff! And I got frustrated with myself. I worked as hard as I could up until the point where my anxiety and stress got the best of me. I got dizzy, cold and I felt like I could breathe. And then there were the tears, and I just started crying. And I just felt like I couldn’t yanno? I felt so weak and so tired.
It’s not the first time I’ve had a panic attack, and it is not the last one I’m sure. But today I’m better. I’m going to ease my way back into my work and take care of myself this weekend. School can be tough, but I refuse to always let it consume me. I hope you do the same. If you’re feeling pressured by work, please, take a step back. Take a break for a while. Don’t stress yourself with a list of all the things you need to get done. Ensure you’re not stretching yourself too thin. Focus on you. Put yourself first.