What Your Post-Holiday Beverage Choice Says About Your New Year’s Resolution

As we all know, there are few greater predictors of one’s New Year’s resolution success than beverage choice. You can prepare everything else; write down the list, tape it to your fridge, and have Shia LeBeouf’s ironically soothing motivational speech on repeat as you take your morning commute to start the day. However, if your liquid intake is not in alignment with your goals, 2017 may end up the same as its predecessor. And as the overwhelming amount of Facebook statuses agree, nobody wants to live 2016 again.

Fortunately, I’ve conducted some in-depth research over these past few days and have prepared a list of 7 common post-holiday drink choices and the resolutions they are associated with. Hopefully, like myself, you may find this helpful to maximize your 2017 success by ensuring that your thinking matches your drinking.

7. Orange Juice


Orange juice is a classic choice to achieve resolutions involving a healthy and happy body. You’re telling the world “hey there, I’m health-conscious and got at least 8 hours of sleep last night.”

Couple this with a healthy grain-and-protein breakfast, and you’ll be on the fast track to success (or at least feeling slightly better about your digestive system).


6. Green Mint Tea


Green mint tea is primarily used to achieve goals of mental wellbeing. Aside from tasting like you’re drinking pure happiness and simultaneously warming your hands on a cold wintery day, this drink projects the message to others that you’re confident, zen, and maybe do yoga sometimes.


5. Eggnog


You are one of the few people that actually had a fantastic time in 2016, and you’ll be damned if some small thing like ‘New Years’ is going to stop you from spreading festive cheer well into January.

Your friends say your resolution should be to stop being in denial, but you pay them no heed. Besides, you need to finish the eggnog carton before it expires.


4. Coffee (hot)


What goes better with buckling down on procrastination than a nice, steaming cup of coffee? Undoubtedly this is the ‘anthem beverage’ of successful resolutions involving productivity, or unsuccessful resolutions involving the quitting of coffee.

Not only will this lead you to feelings of alertness and vigilance, but those around you will love the rhythmic uncontrollable tapping of your fingers.


3. Coffee (Iced)


Although uncommon in winter, iced coffee is a favourite for those who have pledged to wean off of regular coffee but still want to be conscious at 8am. I have retrieved this excerpt from one such dedicated iced coffee drinker:

“Talen I told you before, it doesn’t count if it isn’t hot – why is this even important, it has nothing to do with my resolution.”


2. Gross Green Juice Thing


You told your family you’re turning over a new leaf in nutrition this year , and they made the mistake of buying you a juicer, so coincidentally, leaves are now your main diet.

A word of caution: you may claim this new lifestyle may be extraordinarily beneficial to you, but unless you learn how to use this thing properly, your friends will disagree and stop hanging out with you because you keep pressuring them to drink/eat whatever you throw in a jar.

Seriously, stop. It tastes like I’m eating a garden.


1. Generic Grey Workout Protein Shake


You really don’t want to keep drinking this, but you made ONE comment last week at work about how great you feel on your New Year’s exercise regime and now Kevin keeps making jokes about how you said the same thing last year… so you’ve dragged yourself to the gym for the past five days and will keep doing so until you use up these stupidly large containers.

You’re kicking yourself for buying four, but if this is what resolution success tastes like, at least you’re not drinking that gross green stuff from number two.


Have I missed any drink you think goes hand-in-hand with a resolution? Let me know in the comments section. Cheers!

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