What am I doing? Where am I going? Who am I?

I turned 26 this year and it sure hit me. Call it a quarter life crisis, call it graduating, call it whatever you want but I find myself in another part of my life.

I am definitely older than most of my friends and classmates and I’m absolutely in a place of feeling lost, unsure and unstable. Going home for the holidays and seeing many of my peers from high school get engaged, get pregnant, buy a place – it all came crashing down.

I understand that I’m taking my own journey through life, but I can’t help but feel I’m on the wrong path. Over the past few months, I’ve been asking myself the same questions – what am I doing, where am I going, who am I?

Entering my last year of studies, I can’t help but feel unsure of my life. I don’t know if I want a career in my current degree and I can’t help but ask myself, did I waste all this time? I’ve thought about going back to school and trying something new, but I’ve been studying since I left high school and I don’t want to jump back into another degree. Where am I going?

I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Perhaps this is just my path – a path less traveled, a path of finding who I am and a path of asking all the wrong questions before I reach the right answer. I’m going hard on the eat, pray, love journey and have thought about leaving it all behind and running away to travel. What am I doing?

Growing up, I feel I did everything right. I did well in school, got a job to help pay my education, maintained my health through recreation, found a healthy balance between work and play, was the poster boy child for every parent and all those experiences have helped shaped a monumental life… but what’s next? What happens now? What do I do? So many questions and not many answers. I am a character of solid planning and abiding by those plans and here I am, no plans and no idea of what to do. Who am I?

I decided to talk to some of my mentors for ideas on how to handle my current situation. I thank the world that I have people like this in my life that are willing to just sit and listen, helping me guide through uncharted waters. To my fear (and my relief), everyone said the same thing – this feeling of non-fulfillment never truly goes away. It’s not about sitting, mulling and worrying about the endless questions but rather acting on them, pursuing each corner and not feeling as if it was a wrong decision, but rather a learning opportunity in life. I came to really understand the meaning behind there is no wrong answer.

I understand that I’m never going to have the answer I want and I’m waiting for the day that I can accept that. I’m not sure what my next step is and I don’t think I’ll know until I do it. Do I want to travel? Do I want to go back to school? Do I want to move across the country and start new? Do I want to become Batman and save Gotham from evil?

This is my crossroad as I look forward to starting the next adventure in my life but until then, I am scared and I’m not afraid to admit this vulnerability. I’m screaming help from within while I ponder day to day. I know it’ll be okay but until then – I worry every day.

How do other people look like they have it so together? I know this is just another part of life while I grow up and start the next chapter. I know that everyone feels this way at some point in time and as I write this post, I don’t mean to scare anyone but rather give you some insight into what may happen so you can be better prepared – cause I sure wasn’t.

As I continue through this crazy, weird, fantastic and beautiful thing called life, I search for new answers every day and I just know it’ll be okay. I’m collapsing right now, but learning to pick up my pieces and jigsaw a new picture.

I’ve spoken my piece, now peace!

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